Reflections
by seiren
Summary: A Max reflection story where she reflects on whose the man for her? Zach or Logan?
1. Default Chapter

DISCLAIMER: All rights are exclusively Cameron and Eglee Productions.

Title: **Reflections**

Written: December 13, 2000

Max stands on the Needle-top with the wind blowing in her air trying to figure out the pieces to a gigantic puzzle.  It's not about finding the others.  It's about finding whose the right one for her.  Zach?  Long-lost brother.  Logan?  Eyes Only.  

Zach's voice on the phone brought instantaneous comfort to me.  

I didn't care at the time he was interrupting Original Cindy.  I just felt immediate relief.  There wasn't a problem he couldn't fix.  He proved it very well when I was hightailing my ass away from the bullets ricocheting everywhere around me from the Seattle Police Department.  

The assholes actually thought they could nail me.  Fat chance.  

I felt like laughing when I was flying in the air on the rope Zach had only set up a few minutes beforehand.  I landed on the city bus and jumped without delay onto Logan's car.  I slid into the front seat without a glitch and I smiled at both of them before we jetted out of there.  I knew every plan of Zach's was foolproof, provided none of us made a mistake.  

We didn't.  

And we were outta there.  

All the women were looking around in absolute joy.  The terrorists were letting us go.  They were actually showing mercy.  I knew something was up.  Why would they suddenly let us all go?  I wasn't about to leave until I found out.  Besides I wanted to take the little boy with me.  He didn't deserve to live a life as a scientific experiment.  I'd been through that hell.  There's no reason he had to.

I was led out of the terrorist scenario when I saw none other than Logan Cale.  The moron had actually tried to save my life.  I didn't want to draw any attention to us.  But I mentally reminded myself to give him a lesson on my abilities.  Well, as soon as I got away from the guards.  

It didn't take me long to disarm my guard.  All I needed was a tiny bit of feminine charm.  I simply sprained my ankle and asked for his help; the boy just fell for it.  This is one pretty girl that doesn't like to be touched by scum.  

It was really surprising that I saved Lydecker's life, but that isn't the most important thing.  Not only did I have to tell Eyes Only a piece of my mind.  I had to fly off a building, grab Logan's hand, and save his life before he met a tragic death by splattering into million of gruesome pieces.  It's all in a day of being Max.  I suppose the only awkward part of this day was when I sort of landed on top of Logan when we crashed through the hotel window.  

What made the adventure all that much worse?  I forgot to pocket a few hotel towels.  That bugged me for a few days.  At least the little boy isn't going to grow up analyzed over and over again by government officials.  He was forever out of the reach of Lydecker and people like Lydecker.  

I touched the motorcycle.  I recognized it almost at once.  It was the same one that had been racing against me last night.  I wondered if Zach had known all along where to find me.  If he had known it was me right beside him, giving him the race of his life.  

He entered the apartment as I was having those thoughts.  We had a small scuffle before I whispered, "Zach?"

He didn't talk all that much.  It didn't surprise me much.  

Zach was more of a doer than a talker.  I was more of the talker.  I guess that was why we got along so well.  I kept wanting to know more.  But he wouldn't tell me.  I understood why.  

We were all safer if we didn't know.  

I held Bast in my hands when Logan's bodyguard, do-it-all guy found me.  I was thinking this was going to be a relatively easy nab.  It was until that moment.  It sort of stank for a few minutes after that.  I forgot my thoughts when Logan started talking to me.  

I started looking around when he started rambling.  He had a real nice place.  Too bad I couldn't rip him off more.  

Then he pulled me in front of a mirror.  I should have known it he was going to flatter me.  He told me I was beautiful.  I think I fell for it at that moment.  He told me he knew I was special.  He touched my hair.  I knew I shouldn't have let him done that.  But it felt good.  He caressed my hair.  

Before I could do anything, he bared my hair away from my neck and exposed my barcode.  

He told me he could find the others like me.  I didn't trust him then.  How could I?

Logan turned out to be a good guy.  Too bad I didn't help him out before he got his body crippled for life.  I felt bad for awhile.  It was probably the news cast that changed my mind in helping him.  If I had been there, maybe I could have saved the mother a few moments of anxiety in a life filled with it.  

And he--, he probably wouldn't be a paraplegic.  

He was also Mr. Eyes Only.  He never blamed me.  After all he was the incurable do good person.  He had no right to be lecturing me about the problem I caused him.  Not that I would have done anything it if he had.  It had been my fault.  Plain and simple.  

Logan Cale proved was above all that.  

And he was the only one I wanted to go to when my tryptophan ran out.  He was the only one I trusted.  Even though I knew him for a scant second compared to Xandra and Original Cindy.  I think even then I suspected he cared.   

Not only did he manage to explain to Xandra and Original Cindy that I didn't have a drug problem; he miraculously deleted my criminal record in the nick of time before Lydecker discovered what I looked like.  I owed him after that one.  But strangely I didn't think he cared if I ever repaid him.  He was that sort of person.  

Zach has a way of appearing when I need him.  Or when he needs something from me.  

Not that I mind much.  Especially since this was concerning, Brin.  Brin.  It's been a long time since I thought of the specific names of my brothers and sisters.  It was easier just thinking of them as a group.  When I thought of them separately.  I remembered all that we had been through.  And it was tough.  

Zach nearly collapsed in my arms as he asked for my help.  I knew what I had to do.  I also knew he wouldn't like it much.  I took Zach to Logan's.  

Zach pretty much did what I expected him to do.  He questioned my reasoning in bringing him to Logan for help.  But I explained to him that Logan was a friend I trusted with all my heart, leaving out the heart part.  

Zach still didn't take anything for granted.  And when I wanted to get Brin out of what we thought were Lydecker's hands?  He shrugged it off and said we couldn't take the risk.  Logan stepped in and said one phrase that summed me all up, "She'll do it whether you're with her or not."

I've got a mind of my own.  

And I damn will use it.  I'm not genetically made killing machine without being mentally sure of what I am capable of.  Besides, what's the use of having this body if I can't go with a crazy plan and execute it perfectly?  

"So are you with her?  Or not?"  Logan inquired.

Zach was with us.

We had a few bugs, especially when it turned out Lydecker wasn't the one who had caught Brin.  It didn't hurt too much when he betrayed us when we went through so much trouble in getting him.  Lydecker was Lydecker.  

It turned out Brin had an advanced aging disease and she chose to go back to Manticore to save her life.  I didn't blame her.  If I was dying that way, maybe--.  Maybe I would go back to that hell.  Maybe.  

Zach always said he would rather die than go back.  I hope I would too.

Zach had just saved my ass again.  I owe it all to him that I got away from Lydecker's strangle hold over that sector of Seattle.  And I owe it all to Logan for following Zach's instructions to perfection.  

As we were driving to the cabin Logan's parents' owned, I was thinking of the 5 chess games I had gotten away with winning at remarkable ease.  He had said it wasn't fair that I had used my gifts against him.  And I had to tell him that life wasn't fair.  

It wasn't fair I was leaving him like this.  Drifting away like this.  The music really caught my attention.  It was sweetly sad, in sort of a funky way.  I should have known that Eyes Only was a classical boy through and through.  

We arrived at the cabin, and Zach as always seemed to take everything in stride.  He took the keys from Logan and left us alone.  It was in those last few minutes that I fully took in the impact of my predicament.  I should have left when Zach had asked me the first time.  I damn sure have left the second time, especially after Lydecker knew what we looked like.  But I was a fool.

I sat next to Logan.  And I didn't want to say good-bye.  I even-- I even asked if he wanted to go cruising with us, for the lack of a better term.  See the world with us.  He mentioned his handicap—the wheelchair.  I said hell with the wheelchair.  It had never slowed him down before.  I regretted when I blurt out that he was too busy trying to help the downtrodden to hang around with me.  He agreed.  I'm so inconsiderate at times.  

I abruptly got out of the car.  I had said enough of my sorry good-byes.  Then-- I had to go back.  I had to give him the best good-bye I knew how to give.  

I kissed him.  

I kissed him hard.  

A lot of passions I can't explain went into that kiss.  I was holding his face in my hands, as he had been holding me that night in comfort when I was shaking from the lack of tryptophan.  Seizuring.

And he responded.  

He kissed me hard.  

His hands cupped my head to his lips.  He tasted good.  It felt like a lifetime had gone by with that kiss.  But I knew it couldn't have been more than a minute.  

We broke the kiss and he said, "You'd better go."

I left him there.  I didn't know that he was going through surgery the next day.  Or I would have gone back to Seattle and said fuck it.  Lydecker, I'm not afraid of you.  

I was surprised that Zach hadn't insist that we be over the border by dawn.  I was even more surprised when he said, "Why waste this?"

He gestured around.  He was right.  It was nice.  And it was all Logan's.  I could have guessed that this cozy cabin was Logan's signature.  Logan was just a fuzzy kind of guy.  

I was looking all glum.  Zach was always keen in emotional sort of things.  He had to be.  

He poured the wine in two glasses for me and him.  I took it with reservation before I took a sip.  I needed something to keep the chill down because I had let Logan go back into that city without saying what I should have said.  He told me he understood  

He knew I had emotional ties to Logan.  He knew what I felt for Logan.  He knew I was thinking about Logan.  He knew I wanted to be back in Seattle with Logan.  But I was stuck with him.

Damn you, Zach.  

Then he confessed to me he also had weaknesses.  My attention began to pick up.  Zach had never remotely talked like this before.  He said he wanted someone to care about, like I cared about Logan.  

He touched my face.  

Softly.  

Ever so tenderly.  

I wanted to curse inside.  I wanted to ask him what the hell was he doing?  But I couldn't.  He had just bared as much as he could bare of his soul to me.  Max.  

I called Logan the next day.  I felt anxious.  I needed to hear his voice.  I needed to hear him convince me everything was going to be alright.  Like he always does.  I needed him to tell me again, "You'd better go, Max."

Instead, I got Logan's messenger boy.  He refused to tell me, in the beginning that Logan was in trouble.  The speakers gave it away.  He admitted everything about Logan's condition.  And I knew I was getting on the next bus to Seattle.  There was no way my Eyes Only was going to die one me.  

I was out the door before Zach caught up to me.  I expected him to.  He would question where was I going?  I'd tell him.  And bygones be bygones, I'd be outta there in a flash.  I didn't expect him to do more than shrug when I told him why I was going back.  He supposedly understood.  Except he did more than shrug.  He said I had to get through him.

Then he made me mad, "Think you're in the game, Max?"

He slammed me to the ground.

"Yeah, I think I am."

I shook myself out of that and used his weight against him as I crushed him to the ground with my weight.  We stared at each other for a second.  He conceded.  

I was sorry to hurt him.  Or his pride.  

Didn't take long before I was in Seattle.  I had heard enough of the diagnosis from the doctor's.  Logan was damn lucky that I decided to come back into town.  If it wasn't for me, he'd again be looking at a life under the dirt.  

I murmured to him as I jabbed the needle into my vein, "Lucky for you, I'm the universal donor.  Manticore thought it was funny if the genetic killing machines could also save lives."

It didn't take long for the hospital video cameras to pick me up.  As the police dragged me out, I shouted at the doctor, "Did it work?  Did it work?"

I didn't hear the amazement in the doctor voice as he exclaimed, "Really?"

The nurse had just said, "110 over 190."

I hadn't caught that.  If I had I would have realized it had worked.  Logan was going to live.  

I was in a jail cell.  I rolled my eyes into the back of my head.  It's all over.  I'm going back to Manticore.  Logan's in a hospital, dying.  I'm here, going to hell.  And I don't even know if he's going to live.  I hate losing to Lydecker.  

It must have been my lucky day.  

For some reason, the Seattle Police Department decided to release us.  I had to ask why, the releasing officer simply said, "The real murder confessed.  He's being taken into custody."

Somehow I knew who it was before he even said anything.  

Damn you, Zach.

And that calls for an entirely different tone.  

I watched beside Logan's police buddy as Zach was taken into custody.  I'm sure Lydecker was just pissing in his pants for joy.  He had just caught the leader of X-5.  Dammit.  

Zach saw me.  He struggled a bit.  It was no use.  

They had him in steel and five guys holding him.  His gaze took my breath away.  I wanted to erase what I had done.  I'd wish I hadn't been foolish and gone back to save Logan's life.  It didn't matter in that instance.  Nothing mattered but Zach.  

But that feeling vanished as Zach was pulled away from my view.  

I still had one feeling from that gaze.  He had done it all for me.  He cared for me.  He really cared for me.  He would always take care of me, that one glance told me.  I had too many people looking out for me.  

First the child Zach.  Then Logan.  Now the adult Zach.  

It was too much.  

I'm just Max.  I'm deformed, tryptophan needy Max.  

I'm not special.  

But I am.  Somehow.  To them.  

I went to the hospital later.  And Logan said something that struck a chord.  

"You know.  He cares for you more than as a brother."

Damn, I thought.  I think I already knew.  I think I knew from the moment Zach looked at me.  He was always looking at me.  Searching.  Searching for caring.  

And then Logan just had to ramble that the kiss didn't matter when I wanted to talk about it.  I wanted to scream.  I somehow managed to vibe out the kiss didn't matter to me either, in a totally cute conversation.  Everything was not going the way I planned it.  

I didn't mean for him to just take back the kiss.

The kiss-- it had been something.   

I don't kiss a guy for nothing.  And I damn sure hadn't kissed Logan just to kiss him.  It had a reason behind it.  I just didn't know the reason.  

So I let Logan think the kiss was nothing.  It was better that way until I had the reason down myself of why I actually kissed him.  

I stood on the building of a vacant Seattle building.  Just thinking.  

About life.  

Everything that had happened since I met Logan swept through me.  Then when I met Zach again.  I thought of it all.  Those two were always saving my ass, even from the very beginning.  Damn, even Logan somehow began a hero.  

My thoughts shifted to Zach.  I should have realized that he cared for me more than a sister.  He always helped me.  Even back in Manticore, he helped me more than he should have.  I never would have escaped without him.  And I had always been more attached to him than I had been to the others.  He was my big brother.  

He was-- he was everything to me.  

The way he touched me that night in the cabin.  It changed everything.  Nothing would be the same between us.  

I'm glad I found out a few days ago that the helicopter carrying him had crashed.  I couldn't bear the thought of him in Manticore.  Because he would be more dead than if he were actually dead.  And I knew he wasn't.  It's just a feeling inside.  

Then there's Logan.  And that kiss.  That kiss that came out of no where.  No, I can't say that.  It's been a action just waiting to happen.  After all, I'm not a shy kind of girl.  It was going to happen one way or another.  My take on it?  I'd wished it had been longer.  

And wetter.  More tongue to tongue contact.  

And whose the one for me?  

Logan or Zach?

Time will tell?  Yeah, right.  I'll wait for that moment.  If it ever comes…

**Author's Note**:  Please Review.  A Review is like a Thankyou.  And it shows the Reader's Appreciation.  And that's the greatest thing you can give to the Author.  So Review ^_^.  

Also I plan to release Reflections 2 when I get enough of an even split of Max's take on Logan/Zach.  I might do a Short Story on my take on Zach's return for Christmas.  No promises.  If I don't do it as a Christmas story, I won't do it.  Let me know if you want it.  

Not all the scenes are accurate.  I left quite a few out.  I included the best ones.  And its my opinion on what I think Max would think.  Some of the quotes are off.  I tried to remember them as best as I could.  I'd appreciate any comments.  There like food for the hungry.  

It's always nice knowing someone like's what you write.  Thankyou.  


	2. Christmas Reflections

Title:  **Christmas Reflections**

Author: Yih

Written: December 20/21/22/24, 2000 

Dedication: To my Reviewers.  Thankyou (intentional) 

Disclaimer: All rights are Cameron and Eglee, except for the scenes and phrases of the following characters: Max, Logan, Kendra, and Zach.  

_"Hi Max, I need you to do me a favor."_

_I stared out into the black night as someone touched my shoulder from behind.  _

_I dropped the phone and I turned around.  _

I whispered his familiar name, "Zach—" 

_He leaned down to pick up the phone and he murmured warmly, "Whoever this is—Max is being made temporarily unavailable."_

_"Who is this?  Whoever this is—don't you dare hang up?!  Don't you understand that--" demanded Logan imperatively.  _

_I watched Zach hang up the phone with force and I could only imagine how Logan must have reacted.  _

I chastised Zach gently, "You shouldn't have done that.  He might have had something important to tell me."

_Zach cupped my face into his large hands.  "That was Logan wasn't it?"_

_I nodded.  _

_He grinned, "That guy should realize that you aren't accessible to him at his beck and call.  You are Max.  You're your own person."_

_I felt like purring as he stroke my face ever so tenderly.   Instead I merely shrugged, "He knows.  He knows what I'm about."_

_Zach's eyebrow raised up slightly and he chuckled, "I know exactly what you're about."_

_I don't believe I've heard him laugh so lightheartedly, since—since never.  My hand found its way through his thick, wavy blond hair.  I softly stated, "Why did you--?"_

_He cut me off by leaning into me, pressing me against the wall.  _

_I was silenced as he tilted his head and let his lips tell me what he wanted me to talk about.  _

_He kissed me.  _

_It was a very sweet kiss.  It was an unsure, sort of testing kiss.  It was unlike Zach.  _

_The smile on his face after the kiss swept my mind away.  I didn't say anything for a long while.  _

_He didn't say anything at all, he just gazed at me for a very long time.  He was trying to—trying to look inside me.  _

_My tongue licked my lips, "You tasted good."_

_He smiled, "You tasted good, too."_

_After the small exchange, things got awkward for us.  _

_I blurt out the question that had been plaguing my mind, "Are you going to stay?"  _

_I waited for his answer.  _

_It never came.  _

I woke up.  

That had been a very strange dream.  I leisurely stretched my sleepy body as I yawned tiredly.  I usually didn't sleep this much, but Logan's last urgent request had been more than I had expected.  Although I didn't usually expect much.  I wasn't a genetically altered killing machine for anything.  I took everything as a given; they fell without me breaking a sweat.  This time I did sweat.  I guess I am mortal.  

I had just given myself my daily dosage of tryptophan when Logan decided to beep me.  I threw the beeper to the wall and groaned loudly, "Boy, you never do give it a rest even on Christmas Eve, do you Logan?"

My beeper rang again a few minutes later and I got out of bed.  I dialed Logan's number as Kendra stated, "Calling that boy of yours, again?"

I turned my back to her and said nothing as Logan asked, "Max-- it's you isn't it?"

"Yeah, it's me.  Why do you need to ask?"  I asked with curiosity.  

He cut right to the chase.  "I need you to come over."

"Another favor, Logan?"  I said cattily.  "I need to start charging you, at least for the phone and beeper bills," I muttered.  

He chuckled before responding, "I expect you over hear ASAP."

I threw the phone at Kendra and ran to my motorcycle.  

She glared at me.  "Max, one day—you need to learn to say no to that guy!"

I waved as I jetted out of there.  I wonder what Logan wanted me to do this time?  Probably another stupid assignment.  Doesn't Mr. Eyes Only ever give it a rest even on Christmas?  Hmmm… What to get him for Christmas?  What to get him—what to get him.

I strolled into Logan's spacious living quarters.  As usual he was in the computer room doing who knows what to who.  He turned around and greeted me with a killer smile, "Hi."

"What do you want me to do now?" I asked wearily.  

He lifted an eyebrow.  "What makes you think I want something from you?"

"Cut the crap, Logan.  You always want me to do something for you."

He shrugged and inputted, "You don't know everything, Max.  Besides," he pointed to the nicely wrapped box to the side, "I just called you over to give you your Christmas present."  

I touched the bow, hesitantly.  I can't remember a time when a person had actually given me anything that was wrapped up in shiny, decorative paper.  I had always known about Christmas, but I hadn't known what it was about.  It was just another day on the calendar.  A day where all the scientists and most of the soldiers from Manticore left the compound.  We didn't do much that day.  All we did was sit in the barracks and wait for training to assume the next day.  I had never realized until I escaped what Christmas was really about.  

He shot me a reassuring smile.  "It's okay, Max.  It really is for you."  

"I can't accept this," I replied.  "I don't have anything for you."

The smile was still on his face.  "Christmas isn't about exchanging Max.  It's about giving."  

A wicked thought crossed my mind as I made him an offer.  "I'll accept the gift under one condition."

He was intrigued.  "And what is that one condition?"  
  


"You have to let me take you to the very top of the Space Needle."

He gulped nervously and he tried to explain his fears, "I'm terrified of heights, Max."

"It's about time you got rid of those fears.  Call it my Christmas present to you."

"I don't know what to say," he replied.  

I smiled triumphantly.  "I know exactly what you should say, 'Max, take me to the Space Needle.'"

He shook his head.  "I don't think I was going to say that."

I used my eyes as persuasion as I let my brown eyes melt into mixture of sad regret that he wouldn't go.  "You really won't go?  I never thought Logan Cale, Mr. Eyes Only was—a coward."

"Fine!"  He exclaimed.  "I'll go."

I smiled brightly.  "You're going to have the time of your life, Logan."

He just thought of something and voiced it, "How am I suppose to get on the Space Needles in a wheelchair?"

I stared at his handicap before I said, "If necessary, I'll carry you."

Logan had a very strange look on his face as he cleared his voice.  "When are we going to do this?"

"How about this afternoon?" I threw out.  

"Well-- if I'm not dead, how about you stay for Christmas dinner?" 

I nodded that I would be there.  As I sauntered out the room, I called out, "I'll open the present after dinner?"

I didn't see Logan's delighted smile because I was already out the door.  

As usual, Logan was on time as we met in the afternoon a few hours before his planned Christmas dinner.  

I smiled at him as I asked, "Ready to meet your fear, face-to-face?"

He shook his head in a clear 'No.'

I laughed and countered, "You're going to have to get over it sometime."

He nodded.  

"Well let's go."

He followed me as we used the more convenient way to the rooftop—the elevators.  It took less than a minute to get to the top and when the doors flew open, the cold wind made Logan shiver slightly.  I glanced at the tilted rooftop and I moved in front of him, blocking him for exiting the elevator.  

I suggested, "I think I'm going to have to carry you."

He gulped some saliva down his throat as he swept his arms around my neck.  A slight pink flush started at his forehead, making it way down to his slightly unshaven jaw.  He was extremely embarrassed to be carried by me.  

I laughed, "Logan, you can open your eyes."

I didn't even realized he had closed his eyes until we stood on the edge of the Space Needle's roof looking down on Seattle.  

He opened his eyes warily and he gulped down again, nervously.  "I think I've never been this scared and excited in my life."

I smiled brilliantly at him and exclaimed, "Well, it is an incredible view.  You can see everything from here."

He agreed with his own killer grin.  "It's a bit unsettling, how far you can see."

We didn't say anything for a long time after that.  We stood there.  Logan gazed at the world of Seattle above the Space Needle, carried by me.  And when he didn't notice, I stared at him.  He wasn't a bad looking guy.  I nearly laughed at that thought.  I wonder what he'd look like if he did actually shave away his entire jaw.  It would be interesting, but I think I like him better this way.  

I lost myself in staring at him and he broke my thoughts when he queried, "What are you staring at Max?"

My eyes were unfocused as I blinked.  "Oh, nothing."

"Ready to get out of here?"  Logan inquired.

"Too eager to get away from your fears?" my voice indicated slight disappointment at his enthusiasm.  

He shook his head in disagreement and he pointed to his watch.  "We should get back to my place.  Christmas dinner needs to be prepared you know."

"You're cooking?"

"I'm cooking."

And Logan really could cook.  I've tasted some of his specially made food before, but he went all out this time.  He made too much food, actually.  But it was all delicious.  I couldn't decide which I liked more.  All the dishes were uniquely flavored and tasty.  If I ate his cooking everyday, I think I'd go to fat.  But that thought didn't stop me from stuffing myself to a full stomach.  

I complimented as I finished the excellent desert.  "You really can cook, Logan."

He grinned and gestured to the Christmas present.  "Want to open it now?"

Strangely, I didn't want to open it.  I wanted to admire it for a few more hours, a few more days.  It was the first gift someone had ever given me.  I wonder if Logan had wrapped.  I replied as I buried my thoughts, "Okay."

"Why don't we go into the living room?"  he recommended.  

I pushed his wheelchair into the living room and he placed the present on my lap after I sat down in one of the chairs.  I touched the bow once again and caressed the wrapping paper.  I could feel Logan watching me.  I pulled the bow apart slowly.  I wanted to remember this moment.  This was the first gift I would unwrap.  And it won't be the last, with that thought I ripped open the paper with less care.  Logan smiled as I opened the top of the box.  

Inside the box was a card that I opened up and read: 

Dear Max,

I didn't know what to get you.  So I picked something that at the worse you could sell on the black market.  

Merry Christmas.  It certainly won't be your last.  I'll always be there for you, Max—Logan Cale.  

I felt the tears well up in my eyes and I resisted the urge to shed them.  I forgot about the contents in the box, but Logan hadn't, he caught the box as I hugged him tightly.  I whispered into his eyes, my lips nearly touching his ear, "Thank you."

He smiled and he reminded me, "The content of your Christmas gift is fragile.  It will break with enough force."

I got off of him and he handed me the opened box again.  I discarded the red and green tissue paper.  Within the numerous tissue paper was a small, black pyramid.  It was only about the size of my palm.  I held it to the light and it shimmered.  I felt bottom had scratches.  I tipped it over and I found an inscription: angeL

He told me, "If you don't like it, it will sell well.  It's made of the best quality black diamonds."  

I laughed and hugged him once more.  I exclaimed, "It's a thoughtful gift.  I might not sell it, just yet."

I felt his arms move around me as he held me close for a second before letting go.  "I'm glad you like it."

I held the gift close to my heart when I noticed the mistletoe over Logan's head.  He had moved away from me after the hug and I think inadvertently passed right under the mistletoe.  I pointed to the mistletoe, "Looks like I'm going to have to kiss you."

He looked up and smiled, "It looks like you are."

I moved my body closer to him and bent my head down, my hair covering both of our faces in a shadow of darkness.  

Our second kiss.  

It was very tender—very gentle.  

Logan's hands stroked my face carefully before we withdrew from the embrace.  He touched his thumb to my wet lips and had the most beautiful smile on his face.  His voice was slightly hoarse as he mentioned, "It's late.  You'd better get going."

"Yeah," I murmured.  

I lingered for a moment before I again left without seeing his strangely sad smile.  

I pushed open the door to the apartment I shared with Kendra.  I nearly dropped Logan's gift on the floor.  Instead, I placed it on the table next to me and stared at what I saw in front of me.  I whispered the question, "Are you real?"

Zach grinned his answer and finally muttered, "Yeah."

I wanted to scream.  I wanted to cry.  I wanted to laugh.  I wanted to do all these things at the same time.  

I settled for lunging at him and knocking him backwards with a powerful bear hug.  He looked slightly stunned as I rushed at him, but he opened his arms up just in time as I crashed against him.  Then he remember the rose and carefully disentangled it from between our bodies.  But he didn't let go of me.  He smiled and explained, "These are hard to find, you know."

I stared at the rose with a questioning look and he continued, "Merry Christmas, Max."  

I withdrew from the warm hug and he handed me the rose.  I didn't know what to say.  I manage to choke out, "Thank you."

He nodded and moved towards the door.  It took me a moment to realize he was leaving.  I exclaimed, "Where are you going?"

"I can't stay here," he answered.  "You don't have the space."  

"You can stay in my room," I offered as I put the rose into a vase.  

His eyebrow went up, it annoyed me.  "You can have the left side; I'll get the right side.  My bed's big enough for two people."

"You would know?"

I thought about the instance with the slob that had fallen asleep in my bed and he had thought we actually had sex.  I answered truthfully, "Yes I would."

His eyes glisten with curiosity, but I didn't feel the need to explain.  "Come on, let's get some sleep.  You need the rest."

He was about to argue, but the black circle under his eyes made him reconsider and he finally let me lead him into my bedroom.  He sat on the bed and I went into the bathroom to change into a more comfortable outfit to sleep in.  When I finally came out his voice was hoarse, "Is that all you're wearing?"

I examined myself.  I was wearing a shirt and shorts.  And since I didn't see what his problem was I retorted, "Yeah.  Shove over, Zach, I said I'd get right."

He shrugged and he moved to the left side.  I settled into the cozy blankets, but Zach kept his body above the covers.  I turned to look at him and I waited until he finally turned his back from me.  We stared at each other for a long time and Zach murmured, "I knew you were at Logan's.  What did he get you?"  
  


I thought I heard a tinge of jealousy, but it could be over so many things that I decided to not goad him.  "The pyramid I almost dropped earlier."

He commented, "It was beautiful."

"Yeah," I replied.  "The rose was thoughtful, Zach."

He smiled and he reached with his hand to touch me, but he didn't.  He quickly withdrew it to his side and I stared questioningly at him.  He didn't explain either.  He turned around and began snoring.  Whatever he was about to do and hadn't, he didn't want to talk about it.  I let him have his way and I turned to my side, my back facing his.  It was going to be a long night.  

I stretch leisurely the next morning and my fist knocked into Zach's nose.  He woke up abruptly and found half my body was sprawled on him.  He coughed and I finished stretching and got up.  I asked, "What do you want for breakfast?"

He shrugged.  I said, "Okay.  Can we talk?"  
  


He shrugged.  I asked again, "Can we talk?"

He nodded.  I smiled, "Good.  Get out of bed."

He got out of bed.  "What do you want to talk about Max?" he queried once we were sitting on the bed.

"We're friends right?"

He nodded with a grin, "Of course."

"Are you okay?" I asked with concern.  

"From the escape?  Yes, it was easy."

It wasn't what I had meant.  I meant if he was okay that I had gone back to Logan and left him there after he had just semi-confessed what he felt for me.  I smiled, "I was sure you weren't dead.  I didn't have the feeling you were dead.  And you weren't.  Why did you come back?"

He didn't say anything for a minute, "Just to see if you were okay."

My smile was still on my face, "You're the best brother I could have."

I didn't know why I said that, but the small grin that had been on his face became strained.  I smoothly switched topics, "Do you remember Christmas at Manticore?"

He nodded.  I continued, "Was it really as lonely and cold as I remember it?"

He asked me, "What do you remember about it?"

"I remember," I responded, "that the scientists and most of the guards left.  We were left in the barracks under the lock.  We weren't let out.  Most of us just sat there doing nothing.  We didn't talk.  We didn't move.  We were under orders to be quiet and still.  Was it really that awful?"

"Yes."  His grin faded, but his voice was still warm, "You were the rebel.  When you were younger you use to walk around shaking people.  I think you knew they wouldn't do anything if you disobeyed, especially since there were such few guards.  But you eventually became silent and still like everyone else.  The day was deathly boring after that."

"I don't remember that."  

The smile on his face was sad, "No, I suppose you were too young.  It's one of my first memories of you."

I wanted to do something to wipe that sad smile on his face.  I wanted to replace it with a dynamic grin of happiness, of laughter, of love?  I didn't know about that.  

He stood up and he finally touched my face.  He lifted my face up and I thought he was going to kiss me, but I was mistaken.  He caressed my cheek for a brief second and he finally said something, "I've got to get going, Max.  I stayed here longer than I should."

"Do you really have to go?"

"Yes.  I would ask you to go with me," his words sounded different this time to me, "but I know you wouldn't go.  Besides," no, his words were still the same, "we'd have to depart different ways as soon as we hit the border."  

I wanted to tell him that his arriving in time for Christmas had been the greatest Christmas gift he could give me.  I had turned my back to him because I didn't want him to see the look on my face.  The look I might have on my face.  Because I didn't know who I wanted more.  Logan or Zach.  They were both wonderful to me.  Logan helped me every way he could, he cared for me, and he showed me he cared.  Zach protected me, he watched out for me, and he cared for me in some way.  

He whispered, "Good-bye Max."

I whirled around.  He leapt to the ground with cat-like ease.  I watched as he ran into the shadows of the alleys and disappeared again.  I wonder how many more times he would disappear because I didn't doubt he was coming back.  He had questions, like mine that he needed to answer.  And the only way to answer them was to keep coming back.  

I wonder when.  

My beeper rang.  

It was Logan.  

**Author's Note**: I wanted to have this out by Saturday, but I've been releasing so much lately it fell slightly behind schedule.  For a moment I thought I couldn't release this as a Christmas fanfic and that would just RUIN it.  Obviously!  Anyway, I might do a New Year's Reflection (in Zach's POV about this and whether he will appear again?)  Anyways, Reflections 2 is in the making as soon as DA has about 2 to 4 episodes.  I hope the length suits you guys because it's a lot longer than I normally write for my other fanfictions!  Enjoy!  R+R please!

**P.S. **The spelling of "Zach" could be that or Zack, but I prefer my spelling.  I don't know why I like it better, so it's easier for me to write.  If you don't like it use find/change to change it to your preference!

**Remember**: Reviewing _is_ Doing _the_ Giving _to_ Caring _authors_ Slaving _over_ Working _on_ Writing _fanfics_!


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